Warning, I attempted to filter the profanities but didnt want to leave them out, so this is as clean as I can get it. Also, this was 8am and doors don't unlock till 7am.
Me pounding on the stall door: sir, sir, I need you to get up. This is a bathroom, not a bedroom.
Drunk preppy guy around my age who was snoring loudly on the floor: who is it, warning, I curse people.
Me: you need to get up.
Drunk: I asked who is it you stupid f**ker?
Me: security, you need to leave.
Drunk: well sh**, don't gotta be a dick bi**h!
Me: sir, you cannot sleep in our bathroom, you need to leave.
Drunk rapidly trying to force open locked door: sorry, can't, God has chosen for me to sleep and his giant c**t out ranks yours.
Me: sir, unlock the door before you break it and let's go.
Drunk: fine, all you pieces of sh** with a badge are the same, won't let a guy get a good nights sleep.
Me escorting him through lobby: sir, the exit is over here, you can go home and sleep.
Drunk pulling on doors to corporate office: my bed is in here, why won't you let me go home? What is wrong with your dumb f**king a**?
Me: sir you need to stop pulling on that and come this way, the exit is over here.
Drunk walks over and tries to grab coworkers backpack from security desk: hey, this old f***er stole my back pack. Who the f**k does he think he is.
Me: sir, touch that bag again and ill call the cops on an attempted theft of private property.
Drunk: call them, that's my back pack, I have a bright yellow one just like that.
Me: sir that back pack is grey and you need to leave.
Drunk: fine, but ill be back for it when the old f**ker is done using it!!!
Drunk walks out by ATM and starts pulling on ATM.
Me: what are you doing?
Drunk: damn thing took my money and wont give me a f**kin coffee.
Me: sir that is an ATM, you didnt put any money in it, you need to leave and go home.
Drunk: fine, screw you, you'll be bald by 6pm, this is my curse.
Me: noted, have a good day.
#overheardatwork #yetanotherreasonidontdrink #baldby6pm #gonnaneedsunscreen #assumedcursemeantprofanity
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