#BertsRants

I keep seeming to detach from reality for short periods of time ;  e verything from being amazed at how my body turns food into waste  to the fact that basil is just a  crushed - up   leaf.  There are times every day where one normal thing will just be completely amazing to me like it was all brand new to me. I panic at the thought of dying before Paige and leaving her alone.  Not just get worried, but have full on panic attacks because I don't want to leave her alone with nothing. I have nothing to leave her besides my life insurance, and even that's not much.  I see anything on tv or movies about a woman being a widow at an early age and I worry that it's going to happen to Paige and I won't be able to be there for her. I worry that my kids are young enough they would forget me. I worry that my older two won't get to see Paige and the other two as much as they should. I worry that people are going to use her pain to take advantage of her and ...

You promised me you wouldn't leave, that you would be my friend and you wouldn't leave. You promised it time and time and time again. Then, when life got rough for me and I needed people to lean on, you vanished. You ghosted yourself from me without a word and pretended like it was no big deal. You swore you would never treat me like people in the past have, and yet here we are. Well, more like here I am. Here I am standing by myself without you anywhere near by. Here I am going through this without you and I can't get your promises out of my head. You swore to me that you wouldn't leave, no matter what the circumstances. I know I am not the easiest person to be around often. Being in constant physical pain can make me a bit on edge. My anxiety is always there and attacks can be pretty intense to deal with. I told you all about them from the beggining, I warned you about their intensities, and I made sure you understood how this all worked. I explained all of this and ...

"Everyone wants a better life, very few of us want to be better people." Where in, it is therapeutic to get these thoughts and rants out, I am really kind of tired of how many rants I have in my mind that I want to write about and share. EVERY SINGLE DAY there is something new in the world that makes me want to take my family, sell off 95% of our belongings, and go survive in the woods somewhere in our camper. Hang enough blankets and turn on the heater and we could survive the winter. We would need electric hook up though so I could charge our devices for alarms and such like that. So maybe a friends backyard who has property and a LONG extension cord on its own circuit. "Does it make me weak, or rather, just human, that I run away from things I love the moment they start to hurt me?" Our children need school and I don't know if I or my wife are up for home schooling. Although, I mean, I could technically do it, I have access to all the appropriate materi...

This was my comment to a friend discussing my issues with Documentary's , where my initial comment had a cynical tone to it saying I didn't like how they admitted to sensationalizing parts of it to entertain rather than educate. Yes, but I have the same tone towards any documentary made pushing one opinion over another. It is common practice to pick and choose the data and opinions that you want people to hear, and minimize any information that might go against what you're trying to convey. Let's jump back to the movie super size me. Everyone got all up in arms about how eye opening that movie was, yet no one paid attention to the fact that he overestimated the laziness of the average American. That movie has been proven as slanted time and time again but people still swear by it. You're right the masses don't read peer reviewed articles, they don't have to because people make documentaries telling them that it's all the info they need. That'...