What happened to your promises?

You promised me you wouldn't leave, that you would be my friend and you wouldn't leave. You promised it time and time and time again. Then, when life got rough for me and I needed people to lean on, you vanished. You ghosted yourself from me without a word and pretended like it was no big deal. You swore you would never treat me like people in the past have, and yet here we are. Well, more like here I am. Here I am standing by myself without you anywhere near by. Here I am going through this without you and I can't get your promises out of my head. You swore to me that you wouldn't leave, no matter what the circumstances.
I know I am not the easiest person to be around often. Being in constant physical pain can make me a bit on edge. My anxiety is always there and attacks can be pretty intense to deal with. I told you all about them from the beggining, I warned you about their intensities, and I made sure you understood how this all worked. I explained all of this and yet you still swore you wouldn't walk away.
I don't know why I keep getting my hopes up that anyone will stick around. I don't know why I think I can find people like me who will actually be there when I am at my worst and not just when I am at my best. I don't know why it is so hard for peope to stick around. Am I really that hard to love? Am I that difficult to deal with?
At least I have my wife and children. At least I have a few friends who are there most of the time. It's amazing how I am always the one in trouble for not speaking to people, but people don't start convo's with me.